“Leave It to Gilligan” — The Cleavers are stranded on a suburban cul-de-sac in Kansas. Gosh, darn it, the Little Buddy does his best to get them back to San Diego but he never has the batteries or the bonfire at the right moment. The professor and Mary Ann put on a show with the help of Ginger, for whom Wally has fallen hard.
“I Love Perry Mason” — Lucy wants to be in the show but Perry won’t let her. Ethel tries to seduce him as a distraction, but Della dallies with Fred and the whole scheme blows up, and is Ricky mad!
“Father Knows That Girl” — Jim meets Bud’s new girlfriend, a ditzy brunette who wants to star in the PTA show, but Margaret has a bad feeling about the whole thing. Betty dances in the church talent contest but loses and seeks therapy.
“Green Bonanza” — Hoss attempting to help Eb with the tractor, falls for Lisa. Oliver’s lawsuit again Mr. Haney drags on so Ben and Little Joe try to talk some sense into them both. Mr. Drucker has a sale on canned peas.
“Mary at the Junction” — B. Jo, B. Jo, and B. Jo cotton to a Shady Rest guest from the Big City who teaches them how to toss a tam and stammer adorably. .
“The Carol Burnett Troop” — A wacky gang of losers at an early western fort deal with an overdressed woman and her cronies. Chaos ensues when the general comes to inspect! Carol answers his questions from the stage with the houselights up.
“I Married Dean Martin” — Judge Bradley lets lush and singer Martin off the hook in court only to find Joan trying to persuade Dean to appear in the Ladies’ Club annual show.
“My Bewitched Dreams” — A gorgeous genie and glamorous housewitch team up to emasculate all the men in America. Mother-in-law Endora plagues the mortal Darren by turning him into a walrus on the golf course, while Roger Healy makes eyes at evil cousin Serena at the 19th Hole. Meanwhile, Larry Tate and Dr. Bellows try to help Astronaut Nelson who eventually moves to South Fork. Mrs. Kravitz is finally committed.
“Impossible Dick Van Dyke” — Oh! Rob does it again when an entire show’s script self-destructs on grouchy Alan Brady’s desk. The team disguised as a/c repairmen plant a new script from a ceiling duct just in time as Alan returns from a subterfuge lunch with Sally who has been jilted yet again. Laura stands by and wrings her hands.
“Wagon Trek” — The pioneers boldly going where no one has gone before, come upon a tribe of gorgeous, half-clad Native American maidens who distract the Wagon Master from his duties.
The Andy Griffith Murders —- Writer Jessica Fletcher teams up with her heartthrob Andy in Mayberry and entangles herself in the murder investigation of Goober, exonerating Aunt Bee with pie-related evidence. Barney loses his bullet. Otis joins AA.
MASH Island —- Hawkeye and Pierce are reassigned to a tropical island with a strange “Boss” and his mildly-deformed minion. Helicopters and planes come and go bringing the wounded and the wishful. The two mens’ hijinks irritate lonely cocktail waitress Houlihan.
The Bob Newhart Cruise —- A retired psychologist sells the inn in Vermont he bought with blonde Wife Number Two and takes a cruise on the “Love Boat” finding his real love, Ginger from the Minnow.
The Beverly Bunch —- Carol and Jed with their combined families and critters attempt to get on the good side of Mrs. Drysdale again. Granny and Alice feud over roast possum recipes, while Miss Hathaway makes eyes at the now lonely Mike.
Mr. Gidget —- California teen surf bunny falls for a talking horse over her professor father’s protests. Finally seeing the problems of a mixed marriage, Frances abandons the beach and Ed, and heads to a Caribbean nunnery where she studies aeronautics.
The Jetstones —- George is fired from Spacely Sprockets and neanderthal Fred has trouble both taking his place at the job and learning to drive the hovercraft. Jane meets Wilma and Betty at the tar pits and the three try to rescue Astro.
The Real Heroes —- Granpappy Amos distracts Sgt. Schultz while Hogan and LeBeau plow the south forty. Colonel Clink is fooled again by a false radio transmission while Luke sneaks out of camp for a date with a dangerous blonde spy.
12:30 A.M. Sign-off headlines by Chet Cronkite followed by the Norwegian national anthem performed by Ginger.
Eva Meckna is, as her husband always said, an English major gone horribly wrong. Her work has appeared on Funny-ish and Little Old Lady Comedy.