Rasslin’ Roundup: Who Even Wrestles Now?

Professional Wrestling is not as popular as it once was. Unfortunately, due to primarily booking (how the wrestler is presented, their storyline, etc) there are very few new household names made. In the forefront of most casual wrestling fans minds is WWE. 

This sheet will give you a glimpse into those wrestling today in promotions such as WWE, AEW, and NJPW. 

I will biasedly point out my favorites as I go through. 

Let’s begin with some WWE Legends


WWE Legends 

Hulk Hogan – “Real American.” Wants you to eat your vitamins and say your prayers. He will be appearing on Monday Night Raw on January 4th. 

Ric Flair – “The Nature Boy.” The dirtiest player in the game. Ric Flair was hip-hop before hip-hop was hip-hop. He has inspired many of your favorite rappers such as Killer Mike. He will also being appearing on RAW on January 4th. 

Stone Cold Steve Austin – “The Texas Rattlesnake.” He drinks beer, flips the bird, and stomps a mudhole. Austin was my favorite growing up as a kid. He will also be appearing on RAW on January 4th. 

Shawn Michaels – Also known as HBK (the Heartbreak Kid.) Self-proclaimed sexy boy. Arrogant. Considered “Mr. Wrestlemania.” He will be appearing on RAW on January 4th. 

The Undertaker – recently retired deadman. He is very spooky and terrifying. 

Triple H – “The Game.” Not to be trusted. In charge of WWE NXT. Best friends with Shawn Michaels. 

The Rock – “The People’s Champion.” Very cocky. Knows how to raise his eyebrow. Household name best known for the movie “Rampage.” 


Current WWE Wrestlers 

Sasha Banks – “The Boss.” Former best friends with Bayley. Snoop Dogg’s real life cousin. The baddest of them all. 

Bayley – Former hugger. Proclaims to be a Role-Model. 

Roman Reigns – “The Tribal Chief.” Very intimidating Samoan powerhouse. Ruthless psycho who sits at the head of the table. Current WWE Universal Champion. Will make you question your sexuality. 

Sami Zayn – “The Great Liberator.” One of my all time favorites. Enjoys ska music and putting an end to conspiracies against him. 

Drew Mcintyre – Irish badass. Will kick your face off. Current WWE Champion. 

Charlotte Flair – daughter of Ric Flair. Often fighting for a championship. 

The New Day (Big E, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods) – teaches us about the power of positivity. They have their own cereal called “Booty O’s.” They’re delicious. 

Randy Orton – proclaimed Viper. He hears voices in his head. Founder of the RKO. Has killed many legends in the past. 

John Cena – none of us can see him. 

Bray Wyatt/The Fiend – has multiple personalities. Former cult leader. Wears a spooky mask and messes with your psyche. 

There are more of course but I will leave it there. 


Current AEW Wrestlers 

Chris Jericho – “Demo God.” Not willing to admit he is having a midlife crisis. Leader of “The Inner Circle.” Has his own champagne. Former AEW World Champion. 

Jon Moxley – 100% badass. Will fight anyone and everyone. Formerly known as “Dean Ambrose” from WWE. Former AEW World Champion. 

Cody – “The American Nightmare.” Has an awful neck tattoo. Son of Dusty Rhodes. Crowd favorite despite being a psychopath. 

Kenny Omega – “The Cleaner.” Current AEW World Champion. Considered one of the best in the world. Currently trying to collect all major titles from other companies. Loves Anime. 

Orange Cassidy – puts in minimal effort but often tries. Often described as a cat. Fan favorite. You’ve probably seen gifs of him around. Best friends with Chuck Taylor and Trent?

Best Friends (Chuck Taylor and Trent?) – two best friends. Very goofy but can be serious when need be. Chuck Taylor used to scare children. 

“Hangman” Adam Page – my current favorite. Anxious millennial cowboy. Currently trying to be recruited by a cult (The Dark Order.) Tries to drink his pain away because his former friends have been more successful than him. Could be considered Wrestling’s Bojack Horseman. 

Ricky Starks – Absolute. Will be an absolute megastar. Can rock a mean turtleneck sweater. Has charisma and swagger for days. 

MJF – he is better than us. Bully. Wears a scarf. Has an excellent singing voice. 

The Dark Order – A cult often trying to recruit new members. Surprisingly a bunch of loveable misfits. 

The Young Bucks – two brothers. Current AEW World Tag Team Champions. Very obnoxious but a fan favorite. Known for throwing “Superkick Parties.” They annoy me. 

Darby Allin – skater boy. Very reckless but is full of determination. Half of his face is painted. Current TNT World Champion. 

Dr. Britt Baker – an actual dentist that wrestles. 

Hikaru Shida – current AEW Women’s World Champion. Badass. 

Luchasurus – a very tall dinosaur that wrestlers. 

There are more of course but I will leave it there. 


Current NJPW Wrestlers 

Tetsuya Naito – my absolute favorite. Very tranquilo. Leader of Los Ingoberables De Japon. Current IWGP Heavyweight and Intercontinental champion. 

Taichi – failed singer (in kayfabe) turned wrestler. Wears a cool mask. Often rips off his pants mid match when things start picking up. One half of IWGP tag team champions with Zack Sabre Jr. Part of Suzuki-Gun. 

Zack Sabre Jr – British loudmouth who hates Tory politics. Vegan. Submission wizard. One half of IWGP Tag Team champions with Taichi. Also in Suzuki-Gun. 

Sanada – emotionless handsome pirate. Member of LIJ. 

Jay White – “The Switchblade.” One of my favorites. Despicable. Used to be known as the “Knife Pervert” (coined by Chuck Taylor.) Often seen as an edge lord. Leader of The Bullet Club. 

EVIL – former member of LIJ. Very spooky. Not to be trusted. 

Hiroshi Tanahashi – The Ace. A 1 in 100 talent. Has the most beautiful hair. A pillar of NJPW. Saved NJPW from collapse. 

Kazuchika Okada – “The Rainmaker.” Arrogant man who makes it rain money. Former rivals of Tanahashi. The current ace of NJPW. 

Kota Ibushi – A Demi-God (probably.) Extremely talented. He will also make you question your sexuality. Formerly in a tag team with Kenny Omega known as “The Golden Lovers.”

Tomohiro Ishii – the stone pitbull. Consistently produces great matches. Will hurt you. 

Hiroki Goto – Samurai warrior. Has an awesome move set. Killer entrance theme. Unfortunately loses a lot. 

KENTA – has the best kicks in wrestling. Absolute badass. Current member of Bullet Club. 

Will Ospreay – aerial wizard. Very dense. 

Hiromu Takahashi – the ticking time bomb. Absolutely wild. Current member of LIJ. One of my favorites. 

Minoru Suzuki – known online as “murder grampa” do not tell him that to his face. Psychopath. Leader of Suzuki-Gun. 

Ryusuke Taguchi – often uses his butt as a weapon. Known as “the funky weapon.”

Juice Robison – flamboyant wrestler who is often changing his looks. Fan favorite. 

There is more of course but I will leave it there. 

Based on these brief descriptions, who do you like? Let Zach Watson know on Twitter at @YuhiWatson

*This sheet covers some but not all current wrestlers. 

Categories: Sports

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Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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