Lord of the Fries beat your concept, Lord of the Onion Rings, to market and has a better name.  Your staff is constantly fighting, half refuse to wear shoes.  None of them have showered for weeks. 

A Separate Piece sounds like budget Ashley Madison. 

Your backup generator is Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

No one in the history of the world has ever had Great Eggspectations. 

You co-own The Federalist Crepers with two other people, but you seem to be doing all the work.

No one can ever find The Frying of Lot 49 and you never post to Insta.

A Clean, Well Lighted Place just isn’t. 

The Curious Incident of the Hot Dog in the Nighttime won’t fit on business cards.

Pastrami On the Rye is so damn phony. 

Paleo Tolstoy takes forever. 



Chris Cocca’s work has been published at Hobart, Brevity, Perhappened, Rejection Letters, Schuylkill Valley Journal and elsewhere.  He lives in Pennsylvania, patiently awaiting Belsnickel.