You will think I don’t mean it like all those other times I was weak and forgave you, but this is IT, JD. A month ago at Ginny’s house at the party for Dan’s promotion when I looked for you all over, even in the garage with the potheads, and finally Ginny told me she think she saw you leave with Diane, or least go out the front door, and then I found my car gone, I said to myself again, “This is absolutely IT.” But apparently it still was not. Thanks for washing the car before you returned it, but no thanks for leaving me there at Ginny’s looking so stupid.
Maybe you think I don’t remember when my parents drove all the way from Dubuque last Thanksgiving and you skipped out the back door an hour before dinner saying we needed more beer when we weren’t drinking beer but Chardonnay and you didn’t come back til Saturday. I was so embarrassed. I said to myself, “This is IT, JD. You are out of here.” My mother had a field day with that one, thank you very much.
But it still wasn’t quite IT, was it? A week later we had such a good time for a while at your Target employees Christmas potluck. I made your favorite jello-carrot salad and you said you were so proud to be with me. I thought Christmas would be when it happened. You’d propose with a nice Target-employee discounted ring and I’d be happy as a princess. Nothing happened beyond you getting drunk and me saving you from telling off your boss and driving us home early before they even called out the door prize numbers.
New Year’s Eve also started out okay. We went to your cousin’s, and I had bought a really short red dress and diamond-look accessories and gave myself a manicure in case my left hand should become the center of anyone’s attention that night. We took your car but I came home at 2 a.m. with Tom and Katie. You had told them you were suddenly sick and you needed Sue to drive you home really quickly before you upchucked or something. I know she “just got you to your door and then left,” and you didn’t want to ruin my evening, but it was a pretty lousy New Year’s Eve anyway. I didn’t even get kissed by anybody at midnight, though Greg did shake my hand very sincerely.
And then my birthday in March? You borrowed my car (yours needed work again you said) to drive a work buddy to Vegas to see his aunt in the hospital. The one who raised him. Only it wasn’t a him, it was Candi from Denny’s, that waitress that always flirts with you so I don’t even like to go there for my fav Grand Slam any more. You took her to Vegas and you felt you couldn’t tell me and you didn’t want to upset me. And I’m not even sure she has an aunt there because I kind of asked around at Denny’s. I like the ashtray from Caesar’s Palace, but I wish you had felt you could have taken me with you guys. I wouldn’t have been bored like you thought! But that was okay. I turned 23 on my own which was kind of New Strong Woman of me anyway.
However, JD, I am so over waiting for you! When you get this, please just slip my car keys under my door mat. You knew tonight was extra special, but suddenly you had to take Kristy to her mom’s because her dad went into that diabetic coma or whatever. You could have dropped her off with her family, you know. Oh no, you just left me there with our friends and not even the ring on my finger yet which I still haven’t seen because you said you were having it fitted to be perfect, like me. Ha! H
ow many engagement parties does a couple have? Exactly one. You blew it big time. This is really IT, JD!
My guess is Jennipher will be back for more abuse. Say, that jello mold might be better if you had added some anchovies.