Woozy Origins of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee

The beginnings of this unique show hosted by a comedic legend are fraught. Apparently a few days before Jerry’s big pitch meeting he’d had a root canal. The pain being so unbearable, Jerry had mistakenly taken too much of the prescribed Vicodin.

Even so, he made last minute tweaks to his portfolio before being chauffeured to Crackle headquarters (the show later sold to Netflix). The early pitches are here mentioned, and the reader can attest to Jerry’s ambiguous mental faculties. Here are the working titles and reasons for their departures:

Comedians in Bars Getting Whiskey: This title was scrapped for obvious reasons, bars tending to be of a rowdy milieu and dimly lit — not accommodating for a camera crew. It was also argued by Crackle execs that Jerry and guests might stray from topical dialogue after the third or fourth glass.

Comedians in Kimonos Getting Groceries: The absurdity of this one had its appeal, though there was concern of the attention a kimono would attract. Regular people in kimonos garner a certain recognition, let alone an a-list celebrity.

Comedians on Camels Getting Coconuts: The execs thought this one viable. The studio had an animal contractor who happened to stock experienced, film-set camels, but the lack of location in mainland U.S. with coconut-accessible palm trees was the clincher. In Key West the palms are too tall for Jerry to pick the fruit, and the cost to ship camels to the Hawaiian Islands would have exceeded budgetary restraints.

Comedians See Stars in the Mojave: This one was the most talked about, besides the pitch they agreed upon. The Mojave being a few hours from LA made it an auspicious consideration. Yet the fact that most comedians know nothing of constellations in the desert night sky, and that there’d be liability with rattlesnakes, made this option kaput.

The last pitches Jerry managed to scramble together — evidently as the Vicodin wore off — were markedly better than his warmups: Humorists in Vehicles Getting Java, Funny People in Automobiles Getting Caffeine, and the last one simply, Comedians Talking with Joe.

Ten minutes before the conclusion of the interminable meeting — presumably with no headway — one exec proffered the current offering, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. Jerry and the other high-ups agreed and signed the papers then and there. Jerry snarked that he’d settled on that title because after the meeting it was exactly what he’d planned to do.

Nolan’s words are featured in Points in Case, The Daily Drunk, The Haven, Robot Butt, Little Old Lady, and others. He eats lots of burritos, and exercises little.

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