“The Bachelor” and the Real Reason Why The Contestants Are So So Thirsty This Season

This season of the Bachelor we have our first ever black male lead(yay!) who also happens to be wildly hot, like romance novel levelhot. Even Chris Harrison has repeatedly commented on the  record number of applicants  who wanted to be on this season.

Now that’s flattering and yes, Matt James is smoking, but I also think being single during the pandemic is super, super hard and it’s one of those moments in history where people start to think, “woahh I’m hot enough, I should go on a reality TV show and actually have friends I can talk to IRL and maybe get married to a wildly sexy, chiseled man.” 

Because honestly,what else are we doing? Watching “Bridgerton” while crying about our lost youth? Eating nutella from the jar while stalking our ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend whose cat isn’t even THAT CUTE, even though everyone commented, “cutest thing to come down from the earth” and, “wow your cat could be a cat influencer”? Sorry I got a little worked up…

People tend to go on reality shows because they are looking for a change in their life, something to wake them up or show them what they really need. Aren’t we all in that place after months of boredom and grief and odd Zoom calls where the guy keeps making his background moving waves maybe ironically or semi-ironically?

One of my favorite odd contestant premiere moments was when Katie brought a dildo into the house and kept saying how it was the only thing that got her through the pandemic. This definitely was a #sexpositive vibe and I know people dug her, but I also thought there was something kinda sad about it. Like, “my BFF is my dildo because I cannot date and see my family and wanna meet it?” Like, if you did that to a dude in real life he would absolutely run away, and also try to change his name and primary profession so as to not ever be found again. Maybe in the future times we’ll look back and be like, “Damn that was awkward yet maybe poignant yet also dating is dead,” but for now people are all like #gurlboss and #bringthatdildoonadate.

This is one of the only seasons of “The Bachelor” where I’m like, “wow, I wouldn’t mind being hardcore manipulated and depressed and sleep-deprived and humiliated on a popular reality show just to have a taste of normalcy. Just to date a man and have friends again who were around and not just virtually available to text me every five hours “I need toilet paper” or “I’m bored, should I move out of my parents house?” So yeah, I guess I’m a little jealous of these contestants and I think as a nation we will be thirsty for a while until the pandemic is a hazy memory and we can all swipe tinder with free abandon.

Catherine Weingarten is a playwright and humor writer based in NYC. She’s a bit too obsessed with wedding cake. Twitter: @sarahkaneissexy

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