Alright, Let’s Talk About the Damn Dog Shampoo Guy

Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or are one of the blessed few who don’t use Twitter), you’ve seen the now infamous tweet from Jonathan Kay in which he reveals that he’s been washing his hair with dog shampoo for months. Kay is an editor at Quillette, a magazine that calls itself a place for “freedom of speech” and “free thought” but is really just a refuge for reactionary, white nationalist, alt-right babies. So, many were pleased to see Kay post such an enormous L of his own volition (myself included).

Now, others have pointed out the obvious absurdity of Kay’s mistake here; the bottle has a picture of a dog on it and is labeled “for pets,” for starters. Others rightfully joked that Kay must have been attracted to the promise of “advanced odor control.” Still more asked how Kay’s family never noticed, or perhaps more likely, noticed but chose not to say anything, about his use of a product meant to clean dirt and poop out of canine fur. Months is a long time to be erroneously using dog shampoo, my friends!

The point I will add to this discussion is the simple question of where on God’s green Earth he was shopping for shampoo. There are two places I can think to buy dog shampoo: a pet store, or a pet’s aisle in a grocery store, or online, where it would be listed in a pet’s section (e.g. on Amazon). Why was he looking for shampoo in a place specifically designated for animals?? I don’t know if he’s answered that question, and frankly I don’t care to check, but that’s the part that gets me the most. I’m pretty dense and admittedly terrible at noticing details, especially while shopping, but even a dunderhead like me would know to not look for HUMAN shampoo in the PETS section. That’s like day one Kindergarten stuff, and I aced Kindergarten!

One can only imagine what other animal-intended products Jonathan Kay uses. Many Twitter users riffed on that theme, and in my own head I see him trying to solve a dog puzzle feeder like a Rubik’s cube and gobbling fish flakes as a post-workout protein-packed snack. And even if dog shampoo remains his only transgression, given that there’s literally a fucking golden retriever on the bottle I say it’s more than enough to conclude that white people are not a superior race.

Darren Incorvaia can be followed on Twitter @MegaDarren.

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