“Board meetings with a lot of women “take so much time,” the president of the Tokyo Olympics organizing committee said Wednesday in addressing a government initiative to increase representation of female directors.”–Nikkei Asia
- First you have to decide if you would sleep with any of them. This is very important and the process must not be rushed.
- Do they belong to another man? WHY can’t we filter our meetings so only single women between the ages of 18-28 get a space at the table? Or just microchip their relationship status into their necks and be done with it?
- Having boobs is an HR hazard waiting to happen. Someone’s going to get their chabungas caught in the printer and then we’ll be sued and the meeting will be cancelled.
- If you put too many women in a meeting room they’ll start braiding each other’s hair.
- They have to make and serve tea and snacks and if the snacks are no good they must make more. This is a waste of meeting time.
- They want to bring their children to work and watching babies breastfeed on tatas designed purely for a man’s pleasure is an abomination.
- Are they too pretty to have an opinion at all? That sexy librarian/clueless bimbo line is razor thin.
- They cry when you yell at them and then they can’t take the meeting notes.
- It takes twice as long to get anything done in a meeting because first the woman must have a good idea, and then you have to pick a man to repeat it. This is so exhausting.
- Every phrase must be scrutinized for whether it says mean things about your penis. And then you must come up with a reason to fire the woman immediately.
Teresa Douglas: I am an American living in Vancouver Canada, and one of the editors at Greener Pastures. I used to only write business and literary things, but the pandemic radicalized me into a comedian. I have work in Points in Case, Little Old Lady Comedy, and Slackjaw. I also have an MBA and an MFA, which makes me a professional BSer.