Why Meetings With Women Take So Much Time: A list by Ex-PM Yoshiro Mori

“Board meetings with a lot of women “take so much time,” the president of the Tokyo Olympics organizing committee said Wednesday in addressing a government initiative to increase representation of female directors.”–Nikkei Asia

  1. First you have to decide if you would sleep with any of them. This is very important and the process must not be rushed.
  2. Do they belong to another man?  WHY can’t we filter our meetings so only single women between the ages of 18-28 get a space at the table? Or just microchip their relationship status into their necks and be done with it?
  3. Having boobs is an HR hazard waiting to happen. Someone’s going to get their chabungas caught in the printer and then we’ll be sued and the meeting will be cancelled.
  4. If you put too many women in a meeting room they’ll start braiding each other’s hair.
  5. They have to make and serve tea and snacks and if the snacks are no good they must make more. This is a waste of meeting time.
  6. They want to bring their children to work and watching babies breastfeed on tatas designed purely for a man’s pleasure is an abomination.
  7. Are they too pretty to have an opinion at all? That sexy librarian/clueless bimbo line is razor thin.
  8. They cry when you yell at them and then they can’t take the meeting notes.
  9. It takes twice as long to get anything done in a meeting because first the woman must have a good idea, and then you have to pick a man to repeat it. This is so exhausting.
  10. Every phrase must be scrutinized for whether it says mean things about your penis. And then you must come up with a reason to fire the woman immediately.




Teresa Douglas: I am an American living in Vancouver Canada, and one of the editors at Greener Pastures. I used to only write business and literary things, but the pandemic radicalized me into a comedian. I have work in Points in Case, Little Old Lady Comedy, and Slackjaw. I also have an MBA and an MFA, which makes me a professional BSer.

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Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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