Upselling

“Thank you for calling L. Marks this is Lauren, how may I help you?”

“Yes I would like to place an order”

“Certainly. May I have your name, please?”

“Yes. It’s Euphemia Hansen.”

“Well that’s a perfectly beautiful name. May I have your address, please, Euphemia?”

“Why thank you. It’s 12 Homeland Court, Des Plaines, Illinois, 60016.”

“Des Plaines is a lovely town. I have relatives there.”

“Really? What are their names? Maybe I know them.”

“Oh they moved years ago. What would like to order?”

“The Aubergine Interwoven Knit Shirttail Tunic in oak tree brown.”

“Okay and what size?”

“I’m not sure. Sometimes I’m an extra small and sometimes I’m a small. Does it run big?”

“Oh yes. I’m a small and an extra small fits me just fine.”

“Great, I’ll take an extra small.”

“Alrighty. Adding that to your order. Anything else?”

“Yes, have you accepted Jesus Christ in your life?”

“Sure have. I love him so much.”

“Thank you for calling L. Marks. This is Lauren, how may I help you?”

“Can I place an order?”

“Definitely. May I have your name?”

“Bertha Cook”

“Oh I love the name Bertha! And what is your address?”

“1600 Whitlock Rd, Mariposa, California.”

“Terrific. My grandfather was born in Mariposa. It is Spanish for butterfly, you know. What would you like to order?”

“How interesting. The Double Knit Cotton and Wool Cardigan, is it warm and cozy?”

“Sure is. Sometimes I will put on two or three at a time and curl up in a ball under my blankets and stay there all day.”

“I see, Dear. I’ll take two. Red vine and rusted orange, size women’s 2X.”

“I’m a size 2X also. They’re wonderful sweaters.”

“I’m glad to hear that. What about when you’re waiting for the void to swallow you up whole? Are they good for that too?”

“Oh yes of course, the best. Just the best.”



Megan Colgan lives in New Hampshire. She is a stay-at-home mother and likes Toaster Strudel. You can find her on Twitter: @GoldCell2007.

Categories: Fiction

Daily Drunk

Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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