Just look at you, you don’t even have a stool to stand on. Just look at you, looking at you, a top half reflection of a face wholly bewildered. How much time will I waste eliminating waste? Accepting ownership of this thing you made is a crucial part of your development only—you hate shitting. You absolutely hate shitting. Or is it the wiping you can’t stomach? Perhaps this is why the teachers worried. I don’t blame you, no one wants to take responsibility for that kind of mess—especially at your age. There’s already so many cruel expectations to anticipate. You can fit, we can make you. All you want to do is enjoy the pinkshinyultrablast Pop Tart snack without having to sit with the shame and humiliation ruining the tasty vibe of Dairy Queen’s Chocolate Dipped Cone. It’s a joke: poop. An embarrassing emergency. There’s already so much they’re going to require of you. There’s already so much your body is going to require of you. Walking on hot coals and sanding callouses. Is it too much to ask of your mother? Still waiting, still. Is it always going to be like this? Will you someday be seen in the grocer’s aisle, selecting your favorite coffee bean to grind and bag on your own? It’s too intimidating now, but with training—is that what this is about? A conspiracy between the pot and the potty? I’m just looking at you, looking at myself, looking at yourself: a dream of an astronaut, Super Soaker to your back, here to tell you, it always has been.
Barracuda Guarisco / C. C. Hannett / Kris Hall is a cheesesteak obsessed, bisexual crybaby who enjoys absurdity at varying levels. Barry is the author of several books in the Spuyten Duyvil Publishing universe, as well as Uncomfortable Music (Vegetarian Alcoholic Press) and The Gold Boys are back in Gold Town (Really Serious Literature) co-authored with Joshua Robert Long. Nominated for Best Microfiction, he is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Really Serious Literature. He has had work placed with Maudlin House, giallo lit, Silent Auctions, Meow Meow Pow Pow and various others. You can find him if you want to.