10 Reminders You’re Single:

  1. When the takeout lady on the phone asks if you need two sets of utensils and you say yes. Because the shame of single handedly eating the family size combo platter of Chinese food while watching your eighth rom com of the week is just too much.
  2. When you realize you are subscribed to every streaming channel on the face of the earth and, unfortunately, have to pay for all of them yourself.
  3. When the only social interaction you’ve had all day is with your cat. Full blown, philosophical, in-depth monologues while she stares at you and blinks sympathetically. Even more so when you start to believe she can actually understand you.
  4. When the only person you drunk call is your mom. Now, not only does she have to grapple with the very real threat that she may not have grandchildren, she also has to worry about you having a drinking problem.
  5. When even the greasy, middle-aged man who works at your nearest convenience store starts to look attractive.
  6. When the highlight of your week is when the cheapest (but with the highest alcohol content) boxed wine goes on sale at the grocery store.
  7. When you realize the most relatable person on the planet is Bridget Jones. Except your life is devoid of quirky British humor and there are definitely not too hotties fighting over you.
  8. When you check social media and find that everyone, even the ugliest, cruelest, craziest people from your high school horror days, are engaged, married or pregnant. 
  9. When your friends all complain about their relationships and you relish in the fact that you never ever have to deal with anyone’s bullshit but your own. 
  10. When you have not shaved your legs since last summer. In your defense, your vibrator has a Chewbacca fetish. 

Kendra Moe is an Oregonian living her best life in New Orleans. She writes short fiction, poetry and essays. She can usually be found relaxing with her feline companion and is happiest with either a glass of wine or a book in hand. Ideally, both at the same time.

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