Baby, Our Relationship is Strong Enough to Survive You Breaking Up With Me

Baby, think back on all the challenges we’ve been through together: the time I forgot to tell you my parents were visiting; the time I used my tax rebate for a ‘Salt Life’ tattoo; the time I tried to make spaghetti in the coffee maker. Baby, if we survived all that, there’s no reason we can’t survive you breaking up with me.

Think about it: every relationship faces challenges. Remember the go-kart with a Corvette engine I bought off craigslist and then parked in the living room? Remember how mad you were? Or maybe not mad, just disappointed? Remember how you said it reflected poorly on your judgement of people? If we can survive that challenge, I’m sure we can overcome whatever difficulties might arise from you breaking up with me and already having a Bumble profile, which I found. I swiped right!

Some of the best relationships are the ones that are tested to the breaking point, or in this case, past it. Ask yourself, baby: if you didn’t care about me, wouldn’t you just walk away? Bad example. Scratch that.

Baby, if I’ve learned one thing in these four spectacular months, it’s that you make me kind of want to be a better man. I never thought about learning another language before I met you, but since then, I’ve thought about it a few times! Imagine just walking up to a person who speaks some weird language, and being able to say, ‘Hi, I can speak your fruity language!’ I guess you don’t have to imagine it, but I do. And that’s because of you. With you as my inspiration, and also splitting the rent, I am limited by nothing but my own imagination. I know you believe in me. I know you believe in Winds of Cytherea, my prog-revival synth band. And I know that, just as the whale uses sonar to find his hunting partners when the seas get too bubbly, you will use your sonar to find your way back to me, through these bubbly seas of your sudden liberation. Baby, we got this. Also, J Dog is going to crash on our couch for a few days, if that’s cool.

Justin Bryant: Recent short fiction has appeared in Vol. 1 Brooklyn, Modern Literature, VLAK Magazine, and others. I live in Raleigh, NC with my partner Sarah and our dogs Roxy and Bryce. 

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