Plot Summaries for Episodes of Law & Order: Organized Crime That Are All Related to Christopher’s Meloni’s Butt

“What Happens in Rio de Janeiro”

Detective Elliot Stabler, now a member of an elite organized crime task force, relocates to New York City after spending years abroad perfecting his single-leg glute bridges in Brazilian home workout videos. Armed with a thirst for justice and a freshly-toned derriere, Stabler must take down a crime family who has been selling fake N95 respirators on Amazon while also grieving his wife, who died of head trauma after colliding with Stabler’s buns of steel during an ill-fated ski trip.  

“Not Your Nana’s Home Bakery”

After receiving a tip that a Brooklyn bakery is using their wedding cake business as a front for drug trafficking, Stabler and his team track the cartel to their underground lair. When crowbars fail to shatter the bunker’s padlock, Stabler breaks down the steel doors with a heavy swing of his hips, storming inside just in time to see the drug lords stuffing baggies of cocaine into three tiers of buttercream. A furious Stabler demands, “What are you doing with all that cake?” The cartel leader, running his eyes over Stabler’s shapely backside, replies, “I could ask you the same thing.”

“The Butt of the Joke”

Stand-up comedian Jerry Gibbons reports his wife’s death, claiming that she was murdered after he refused to give into extortion threats by a group of disgruntled colleagues. Upon further investigation, Stabler and his team discover a host of secrets within this supposedly conventional marriage that may ultimately have contributed to the woman’s demise, including adultery, blackmail, and a shared fetish for melon-bottomed prostitutes. After going undercover as a male escort named Juicy McDouble, Stabler bursts into Gibbon’s apartment, where the comedian confesses his wife was accidentally asphyxiated during an ass-centric threesome gone horribly wrong. After reading the comedian his rights, Stabler reflects, “Sometimes it pays to be the butt of the joke.”

“Shakin’ That Moneymaker”

Following a tip from a Pure Barre classmate, Stabler and his team investigate billionaire Jeffrey Woods, a pharmaceutical mogul rumored to be heading an overseas operation that buys and sells counterfeit BOOTYLICIOUS™ butt-enchancing pills. Stabler poses as an Instagram influencer named @dumptruck_dennis and reaches out to Woods’ team about acquiring ad sponsorship. Desperate to market his product on the page of such an impressive ass-influencer, Woods agrees to meet an undercover Stabler. As Stabler slaps on the cuffs, Woods demands to know how Stabler achieves such impressive glutes without the aid of surgery or TikTok’s ‘Scrunch Butt’ leggings. Bending into a deep, unnecessary squat, Stabler replies that he’ll be the one asking the questions once he gets Woods down to his own, personal hindquarters. 

“Officers of Instagram”

Having acquired 1.5M new followers in less than a day from his work on the Woods case, Stabler decides to keep the @dumptruck_dennis account, after rebranding himself as @detective_dumptruck. He posts daily photos of himself squatting on doorsteps, leaning to pick up ballpoint pens, and leaning into car windows as he reads criminals their rights. 

Lindsay Hameroff is a humor writer and satirist. She lives in Harrisburg, PA with her husband and two kids. Her work has been published in Little Old Lady Comedy, Slackjaw, Points in Case, Frazzled, and more. In her spare time, she can be found reading, cooking, wrangling children, or fantasizing about making brisket for Harry Styles. You can find her on Twitter @LindsayHameroff.

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