Track By Track Analysis of One Directions Debut Album’s Worst Lyrics And Why I Love Them

Everything One Direction has ever done has been worth noting, but sometimes for the wrong reasons. For example, their debut album was bad. Did I love it more than anything when I was 14? You bet. Do I still listen to it? Frequently. Now I am 23. Times and tastes have changed. These are the worst and weirdest lines in every song and why they are actually good. 

  1. “Everyone else in the room can see it/ Everyone else, but you, ooh”- What Makes You Beautiful: Every line in this song is bad, but this one doesn’t get called out enough. Imagine everyone else in the room seeing something that you can’t see. That is in many ways, a nightmare. Unless of course, that unseeable thing is your hot, hot ass. 
  2. “And girl what a mess I made upon your innocence/ And no woman in the world deserves this”- Gotta Be You: To consider One Direction ruining innocence in 2012 is adorable. They were famous for wearing suspenders. And you know what? It absolutely made a mess upon my innocence. I was attracted to tight jeans and side-swept haircuts for like 3 years because of it. No woman in the world deserves that, you’re right.
  3. “Cause you’ve got that one thing”– One Thing: This is a bad lyric because it is nonspecific. What’s the one thing? A big ass? An ability to crush cans with my forehead? Health insurance? It’s good though because this song still slams.
  4. “When he lays you down, I might just die inside”- More Than This: The imagery here is insane. Just picture your beloved laying you down. Does that happen? Am I just not being loved correctly? However, the drama of declaring your own death thinking about someone else being in love? Camp. Theater. Pageantry.
  5. “DJ got the floor to shake, the floor to shake/ People going all the way, yeah, all the way”- Up All Night: Were… were people fucking on the dance floor? THAT is tinsel town, baby!
  6. “He takes your hand, I die a little/ I watch your eyes and I’m in riddles” – I Wish: This lyric is bad because what does it mean to have yourself in riddles? Are you joking around? Are you confused? Are you playing a jovial little joke on some friends? This lyric is good because I am constantly dying a little, both from crushes and from my 9-5.
  7. Spare me what you think, and/ Tell me a lie” – Tell Me a Lie:  Masochistic gaslighting anthem, no notes.
  8. I slept on your doorstep/ Begging for one chance” – Taken: This is, canonically, the worst One Direction song in the entire discography. And that is why it’s also the best. This line specifically is insane. You slept on a doorstep? That’s a restraining order waiting to happen. However, this level of down bad is admirable. I love this terrible song.
  9. “Clothes, shoes, diamond rings/ Stuff that’s driving me insane” – I Want: This is great only because it comes from the vocal stylings of a teenage Harry Styles, who had no idea that he would one day become Hollywood’s golden boy for clothes, shoes, and diamond rings.
  10. There’s something about your laugh that it makes me want to have to”- Everything About You: This wasn’t taken out of context, that’s the whole lyric. She’s got a great laugh, so great that it defies the laws of grammar.
  11. Wake up, we both need to wake up” –Same Mistakes: There’s too much repetition in this song, but some days I really DO just need to wake up.
  12. “To him you are just another doll/ And I tried to warn ya”- Save You Tonight: Using the word ‘doll’ in 2012 should have been considered a hate crime. However, the coyness of using ‘ya’ instead of ‘you’ is so funny that whenever I sing this line I get to pretend like I too am a disgruntled friendzone boy in a teen coming of age flick, which is the high I am always chasing.
  13. “Oh life, come on head, don’t you fail me now?”- Stole My Heart: This lyric is bad because I have not a clue what it means. It’s also very good because life is always failing me now, and so is my head. I imagine together they would be a catastrophe. 
  14. “Whatever it takes is fine”-Stand Up: This lyric is bad because He, the entire band but the proverbial He, is literally talking about how he would do anything for Her, and it ends with this blasé as hell line. Noncommital. It’s also how I respond to retail workers whenever there is a slight inconvenience with my order.
  15. Don’t wanna be reminded/ Don’t wanna be seen”- Moments: This lyric isn’t terrible but it’s also very singer-songwriter-at-age-11. Is that wrong? No, because even today at age 23 I too don’t want to be reminded of anything. I definitely do not want to be perceived either, so not being seen sounds very okay. 

At least none of them are Summer Love. 

Alyssa is from Philadelphia and is always cold. She likes overpriced coffee, audibly cracking her joints, and bashing the Beatles. She is on Twitter constantly, follow her @cakegirlboss.

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