Everything I’ve learned about love I’ve learned from monster movies and Twilight

monster stories are just love stories

gone wrong—which explains 

why I’m so scared of my exes

and why so many people fall in love 

with vampires and other ghastly beasts.

the weird thing is, I don’t even like Twilight, but 

I’ve got to hand it to Stephenie Meyer—she knows

how to sell monster stories and love stories

and it’s apparently a Mormon thing. I have a friend 

who’s (ex)Mormon, and she tells me the only thing

Mormons love more than casseroles 

are steamy romances and monster flicks, 

and if you combine the two, well, that’s even better. 

there’s nothing like falling for a monster

or catching a glimpse of an (ex)lover

to get your blood running 

(maybe down your monstrous lover’s chin)

and there’s nothing like driving to Chicago

to take your niece to a book signing

in a crowded Barnes & Noble in 2012 just so she can see

Stephenie Meyer from a distance,

and on the drive back to Omaha

she’s raving about what a genius Stephenie Meyer is,

and you know, maybe she is, but all you’ll think about

is how that Barnes & Noble was packed

with so many people clutching copies of Breaking Dawn

to their chests, waiting in line for hours,

all because Meyer seems to understand something they don’t.

Lane Chasek is the author of the nonfiction novel Hugo Ball and the Fate of the Universe and the poetry collection A Cat is not a Dog. Lane’s an editor at Jokes Review and is the founding editor of Warp 10 Lit. Twitter: @LChasek

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