(Do you do

private

woodwork

jobs?) 

I know in general the mantra goes: I’d work all night if it meant 

nothing got done. But not when it comes to woodworking. 

This is a direct message. Paper and ink. 

Not a computer device in sight. 

Like the will you wrote aged 8:

Upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to 

the man or animal who has killed me.

You can call me Steve or Jenny, or whatever name you please.

And I won’t try too hard because giving 110% is impossible. 

Someone wise told me only idiots recommend that.

Whatever happens, we’ll always agree that there’s only one thing we hate more than lying: skim milk. 

Which is water that’s lying about being milk.

Friendship has been reinvented as a meat buffet.

I regret nothing. The end. 

Nikki is managing editor of streetcake magazine and also runs the streetcake writing prize and MumWrite. She has a chapbook and collection with KFS. She is the winner of the Virginia Prize 2020 and her second novel, Volta will be published in May 2021. Her website is: nikkidudleywriter.com or you can find her on twitter: @nikkidudley20