Whadaya Mean “Nothin’s On”?: SciFi Schedule, Tuesday, June 15

Noon-1:30:  “Planet of the Cat Women”  American astronauts make an emergency landing on an uncharted planet inhabited by barely clad, cat-eyed women with tails who live in luxurious caves.  Queen Sultra falls for one of the men, disables their spacecraft, and throws the other astronaut into the dreaded litter box.

1:30-3:00:  “Attack of the Giant Microbes”  Atmospheric disturbances caused by solar winds result in the mutation of common amoebae.  Urban panic ensues until Dr. Denton and his assistant Pammy develop a formula to immobilize the creatures.  Classic scene:  Penny’s clothes half-eaten off her body by a ball of slime as she attempts to fend off her attacker.

3:00-4:30:  “I Married a Martian”  A lonely spinster in New Mexico falls for an odd man she meets in the desert and marries him within hours.  Their honeymoon on Pluto reveals the bride’s deadly mistake.

4:30-6:00:  “Tetrahedron Versus Magilla”  With poor stop-action photography this dubbed 1954 Japanese classic features unforgettable small plastic mega-monsters moved jerkily by magnets.  Scientists in white coats argue wildly and protect their terrified yet lovely female assistants.

6:00-7:00:  Biopic: “Charleton Heston:  Ape to Omega Man”  The star’s life and times, focusing on his numerous memorable sci-fi portrayals with an in-depth look at the Ape years.

7:00-8:30:  “Who Where They?”  Dick, a rugged scientist and his turns-out-to-be-gorgeous assistant Candy are on a research trip when they are abducted by large, limbless heads who have amazing telekinetic powers.  After being subjected to numerous embarrassing physical and mental examinations, the pair are returned to their base camp, confused and locked in an embrace.

8:30-9:30:  “Mutant Island”  Mad Professor Xenon, humiliated by colleagues, discovers how to transform insects into oversized deadly automatons under his complete control.  Planning to use them for revenge, he accidentally releases a swarm from the tropical island on which he has done his evil research.

9:30-10:30  “Twilight Zone Hour”  Episode 1:  The hip Rod Serling’s teeth are fixed by a seemingly kind old dentist who changes Rod’s brain frequency and transforms him into a skeptical nerd.  Episode 2:  James Garner, Donna Reed, and Liberace survive the end of the world only to discover it was all a dream.  Look for cameos by Alfred Hitchcock and Gore Vidal.

10:30-Midnight  “They Came From Beyond”  Sequel to “Who Where They?”  Dick and Candy regain their senses, attempt to tell their story, and are laughed out of the scientific community.  “They” return again and resettle the now damaged and reviled couple in a witness protection program in a suburb of Tempe, Arizona.

12:00-2:00 a.m.  “Teen from Planet Dweebix”  In this 1955 teen angst film, alien Norman Gleepyx-16 attempts to blend in at Miller Town High in Kansas.  All goes well until he is expelled for probing and skipping gym.

2-2:30 a.m.  “This Week’s Proof”  Viewers’ home footage and pics of alien crafts, unexplained astral lights, and strange beings seen at Wal-Marts across the country.

Eva Meckna is, as her husband always said, an English major gone horribly wrong.  Her work has appeared on Points in Case, Funny-ish and Little Old Lady Comedy.

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