30 minute cut of “Friday” by Rebecca Black which goes into the weekend.

1 hour cut of “Cotton Eyed Joe” where the Rednex discover where he came from and where he ‘go’.

3 hour cut of “Baby Shark” which gets into extended family, friends, and acquaintances.

6 hour cut of “Cats” which feels like a 60 hour cut of “Cats”.

10 hour cut of “Gladiator” which features all the times Russell Crowe beat up a fellow actor.

15 hour cut of Adam Sandler’s “Jack and Jill” that still fails to land.

24 hour cut of “The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)” which ends up becoming a metaphor for Stockholm Syndrome.

35 hour cut of “30 hours of Lo-Fi Chill Beats” which contains all the nude scenes they had to cut out.

500 hour cut of “Braveheart” which features all of Mel Gibson’s on-set antisemitic rants.

Eli can be followed on Twitter @minksatiric.