Excuses I Make When I Miss a Deadline

  1. My dog pretended to eat my computer, but instead sold my jokes to Dane Cook for a bag of bones.
  2. I had this block thrown to my head. *INSERT PICTURE OF A BLOCK THAT READS ‘WRITERS’.
  3. While seeking inspiration, I rewatched The Office from beginning to end for a 10th time.
  4. I googled “How to get past writers block,” and fell into a rabbit hole about how Netflix tracks our thoughts and creates shows based on the most popular thoughts. 
  5. Paid my bills only to realize I am not getting paid to write and decided to focus on my teaching day job so I created lessons for the next 5 years. 
  6. Read Dune so I could finish it before the movie releases. 
  7. Okay, I didn’t read Dune. What I really did was watch The Sopranos from beginning to end before the prequel it’s released. 
  8. Searched WebMD to see if my mole is cancerous only to find out I might suffer from gelotophobia. That’s the fear of being laughed at.
  9. Too busy trying to turn my excuses into jokes. 
  10. Started to update my resume so I can start looking for a job as a writer in case I get publish and become super successful.
  11. Forgot I was also working on a script I should probably finish, editing a sketch show, and daydreamed of taking out the trash when I really should take out the trash. 
  12. Rearranged my movie collection in alphabetical order, based on the name of the editor’s partner’s name. 
  13. Decluttered my laptop only to realize I deleted the blank page I had for Volume 7 of the Squib. Then told myself, “It’s not meant to be.”
  14. Spent my week trying to figure out what friend with a pool I’ll hit up once the triple digit weather is here. 
  15. Too busy trying to figure out what name I’ll use to make it racially ambiguous so Hollywood can hire me.

Anthony Solorzano is a writer and theater director from Pomona, California. His day job is teaching high school kids math. He writes to his friends through a newsletter. On his time off, he spends his time pitching different comedy bits to his wife. 

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