- My dog pretended to eat my computer, but instead sold my jokes to Dane Cook for a bag of bones.
- I had this block thrown to my head. *INSERT PICTURE OF A BLOCK THAT READS ‘WRITERS’.
- While seeking inspiration, I rewatched The Office from beginning to end for a 10th time.
- I googled “How to get past writers block,” and fell into a rabbit hole about how Netflix tracks our thoughts and creates shows based on the most popular thoughts.
- Paid my bills only to realize I am not getting paid to write and decided to focus on my teaching day job so I created lessons for the next 5 years.
- Read Dune so I could finish it before the movie releases.
- Okay, I didn’t read Dune. What I really did was watch The Sopranos from beginning to end before the prequel it’s released.
- Searched WebMD to see if my mole is cancerous only to find out I might suffer from gelotophobia. That’s the fear of being laughed at.
- Too busy trying to turn my excuses into jokes.
- Started to update my resume so I can start looking for a job as a writer in case I get publish and become super successful.
- Forgot I was also working on a script I should probably finish, editing a sketch show, and daydreamed of taking out the trash when I really should take out the trash.
- Rearranged my movie collection in alphabetical order, based on the name of the editor’s partner’s name.
- Decluttered my laptop only to realize I deleted the blank page I had for Volume 7 of the Squib. Then told myself, “It’s not meant to be.”
- Spent my week trying to figure out what friend with a pool I’ll hit up once the triple digit weather is here.
- Too busy trying to figure out what name I’ll use to make it racially ambiguous so Hollywood can hire me.
Anthony Solorzano is a writer and theater director from Pomona, California. His day job is teaching high school kids math. He writes to his friends through a newsletter. On his time off, he spends his time pitching different comedy bits to his wife.