The New Off-Vengers

I like when binge-watching 

blurs the lines of reality 

it really gets you thinking 

so I’ve recast some Avengers 

mostly paper executives from Scranton  

and a cop from NYC  

a bit like fantasy football league  

this guy called Michael 

full of hope and new ideas  

who can do parkour pretty well  

will lift Captain America’s shield  

only he could handle that mantle  

he’s also played a spy before  

Michael Scarn of ‘Threat Level Midnight’

then the office couple of Jim and Pam  

both bright and funny 

we’ll give them Ant-Man and Wasp costumes 

plus Jim can handle a bit of action 

someone dropped him in for Captain Kirk as Jack Reacher 

James Gunn will vouch for Pam, maybe he could direct…

for Iron Man

you need an innovator 

a businessman 

someone good with the ladies 

who’d have a chance with – Gwyneth

Dwight Schrute more than fits the bill 

he’s Super into beets

Erin will take Black Widow’s jumpsuit 

she’s got a bit of an edge 

and a stolen childhood 

so their backstory matches 

plus she’s a bit of master of disguise 

I was sure saw Judy Garland in an episode

Thor’s hammer 

can only be lifted by the worthy 

and none are so worthy as Stanley 

a man who knows what he wants 

and that’s to fly his lighthouse to space

He can meet up with the Guardians soon 

Bernard sounds like Banner 

so it’s lucky that the angriest man in the office 

is Andy Bernard 

a cappella Cornell alumni

he has some smarts 

he and the widow had something once as well 

so we got a perfect Hulk

and since Disney owns the rights to X-Men now

I’m going to add a mutant to the roster 

don’t worry their character is already an Avenger 

has been a while 

A gruff man

someone with issues and a heart of gold

who went on a hero’s journey back in the 90’s

fists first, questions later

he commands respect 

so for Wolverine, I choose Andy Sipowicz 

of the 15th precinct

he could play Old Man Logan 

Well, I’m finished 

I think I’ll recast the Justice League 

with people from Fresh Prince 

and Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Carlton would make a great Flash.



Paul Adam Short is a working-class writer living in Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK. Paul has been published online in Stymie Magazine, The Dark Poets Club and this year won the April ‘Press 53, 53-Word Story Contest’.  Paul’s currently working on several writing projects including a chapbook based on his youth.

Categories: Poetry, The Office

Daily Drunk

Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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