I am the Queen of Dumped.
You think you’ve been dumped a lot? Well, I have been dumped-er.
I have been dumped up, down and sideways.
I have been dumped in. I have been dumped out.
I have been dumped in ways most people only dream about.
I have been dumped before sex, after sex, and once, believe it or not, in the middle of sex. I mean, I just asked a simple question – Do you love me? That’s all. Do you love me? And he stopped, pulled away and said, look we need to talk.
I have been dumped in French, Spanish and once, in American Sign Language. I have learned to say “asshole” in all three.
I have been dumped in Denver, Dallas and New Orleans.
I have been dumped by phone, fax and e-mail.
I have been dumped without an explanation.
I have been dumped with extenuating circumstances.
I have been dumped, re-dumped, called back and dumped again.
I have been dumped to the 16th power. I have been mega-dumped, uber dumped and dumped plus 10.
I have been let go, downsized, outplaced, canned, abandoned, left for dead, ditched, skipped out on, hung up on and taken off from.
I have been generally and specifically dumped.
I am, therefore, the undisputed reigning Queen of Dumped.
Which is why, my friend, I will not sleep with you.
Francine Witte’s latest book is The Cake, The Smoke, The Moon, (ELJ Editions) She lives in NYC