I am the Queen of Dumped.

           You think you’ve been dumped a lot? Well, I have been dumped-er.

           I have been dumped up, down and sideways.

           I have been dumped in.  I have been dumped out. 

           I have been dumped in ways most people only dream about.

           I have been dumped before sex, after sex, and once, believe it or not, in the middle of sex.  I mean, I just asked a simple question – Do you love me?  That’s all.  Do you love me?  And he stopped, pulled away and said, look we need to talk.

           I have been dumped in French, Spanish and once, in American Sign Language.  I have learned to say “asshole” in all three.

           I have been dumped in Denver, Dallas and New Orleans.

           I have been dumped by phone, fax and e-mail.

           I have been dumped without an explanation.

           I have been dumped with extenuating circumstances.

           I have been dumped, re-dumped, called back and dumped again.

           I have been dumped to the 16^th power.  I have been mega-dumped, uber dumped and dumped plus 10.

           I have been let go, downsized, outplaced, canned, abandoned, left for dead, ditched, skipped out on, hung up on and taken off from.

           I have been generally and specifically dumped.

           I am, therefore, the undisputed reigning Queen of Dumped.

           Which is why, my friend, I will not sleep with you.

Francine Witte’s latest book is The Cake, The Smoke, The Moon,  (ELJ Editions) She lives in NYC