Paris Hilton is a better poet than I am.
She says That’s hot™ & Sliving™ & people listen.
Everyone repeat after Paris: I’m sliving™.
If you aren’t watching Cooking With Paris,
you aren’t sliving™.
Paris says sliving™ is the new That’s hot.™
Paris says “It’s slaying & living your best life in one word.”
Paris is a genius.
(Don’t be jealous.)
If you’re a poet & you aren’t watching Cooking With Paris, you should.
Paris is coining language with every episode.
“Cotton candy is just sugar with more personality.”
She said that during my favorite episode: “Taco Night with Saweetie.”
Paris & Saweetie cooking shrimp tacos in couture?
She also said, “News flash: Truffle oil is rich bitch shit.”
And then she said, “Saweetie should totally trademark that.”
Yes, Saweetie should.
Before Paris does.
The Oxford Dictionary of Quotes takes Paris’ words seriously.
So does Dictionary.com.
Look it up.
Are words you invented in any dictionary?
I didn’t think so.
I invented a word.
I’m trademarking it right here.
It’s the word for fake (or faux, if you’re French or fancy) Versace products.
I see a lot of Fersace™ in Miami.
Maybe Paris will read this poem & say Fersace™ during the next season of Cooking with Paris.
(There will be a season 2…right, Netflix?!)
“Kim, what do you think about those poor people in Miami who can only afford Fersace™?”
“It’s so sad. They aren’t sliving™.”
Bam! Fersace™ goes viral.
Fersace™ gets added to Dictionary.com.
Maybe I’ll get some royalties for my creative capital & can buy some real Versace.
Maybe people will listen to my words.
Maybe I’ll be as good of a poet as Paris Hilton is.
Nicole Tallman is the Poetry Ambassador for Miami-Dade County, Associate Editor for South Florida Poetry Journal, and Interviews Editor for The Blue Mountain Review. She is also the author of Something Kindred (The Southern Collective Experience Press). Find her on Twitter and Instagram @natallman and at nicoletallman.com.