7 Days In Hell

7 Days In Hell is a mockumentary that comes from the brilliant mind of Andy Samberg.  In high school I had a close friend named Michael and someone told him at a party that his humor reminded them of Andy Samberg.  Michael and I are no longer friends since I couldn’t handle being friends with someone receiving such a phenomenal compliment.  Sure, he had also stolen my sixth grade prom date and yes, rumors had swirled that I had always hated him for that, but I assure you, ditching our friendship had nothing to do with something as petty as a girl from sixth grade. Liz, if you’re reading this, I still love you.

As for the actual movie, 7 Days In Hell is a tennis documentary starring Andy Samberg that satirizes Andre Aggasi’s bad boy tennis image.  Insert epic mullet.  Andy’s character (we’re on a first name basis), Aaron Williams, is a tennis prodigy adopted into Serena and Venus William’s family.  So, imagine King Richard including a Jewish, white child.  Still Oscar worthy?  You’re goddamn right.  Insert 7 millionth joke about Will Smith’s slap that wasn’t funny after the first 24 hours.

Tennis is generally thought of as a classy sport.  I would know this because I grew up playing tennis.  You see, I’m a classy guy, but Samberg plays the bad boy part in this fake tennis world perfectly.  Perhaps even the way I always wish I had styled my game.  

He snorts cocaine mid-match through the handle of his racket, he makes love to several on court streakers, he releases a sex tape with his opponent’s love interest in which he fails to sustain an erection, he leaves tennis to start a men’s underwear line, and he accidentally murders a man during a tennis match.  

OK maybe I never wished for any of that, but I can honestly tell you this mockumentary is one of the funniest, most ridiculous movies I’ve ever seen, and if you like anything you’ve ever seen from the hysterical minds of Lonely Island such as issues with their malfunctioning penis’ this is an absolute must see.  Can we also just appreciate that I hyperlinked the phrase malfunctioning penis’?  Cross that off the bucket list.

Seth Borkowski is a New York-based writer who enjoys writing about dating, self-improvement, sports and the challenges of growing older as a millennial. You can read more of his work at sethborkowski.com.

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