Looper stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a hitman for a mob that uses time travel to illegally cover their murders.  In the movie that is, in real life time travel does not exist.  Come on man you’re not going to convince me otherwise.  Fine maybe it does, but don’t call me impressionable, seriously.  That’s what my Mom always says and I don’t appreciate you talking to me like you’re my Mom.  I’m just open minded to the concept that’s all.  That’s sweet, thank you.  I love you too.  Let’s move on.

Anyway, in Looper, when the mob wants to “whack,” someone, they kidnap and send them 30 years back in time.  That’s where the looper JGL (best friend nickname status) is waiting with a shotgun.  Let’s be honest, it’s a pretty epic concept, but again it isn’t possible.  Cut it out.

As you might imagine, Looping (cool slang term I invented) isn’t sought after like jobs at Google (I’m still upset about it, Google, at least acknowledge my existence) so the mob requires  “Loopers” to sign a 30-year contract.  After they are free except for one tiny, little twist; it’s really not a big deal at all.  They have to kill themselves or you know, close their loops.  It’s fine.

So, everything gets turned upside down when my boy JGL (we don’t know each other honestly) must close his loop or kill his future self and it’s not happening without a fight.  That fight of course, is against himself or in this case Mr. Die Hard- Bruce Willis.  They even use some magical, CGI technology or some strange, instagram influencer type makeup to make JGL’s mug look like Bruce Willis’.  Pretty cool, I know.  

I will acknowledge, it is a bit confusing to describe.  He’s killing who, his future self?  Bruce Willis?  It’s a bit of a puzzle at times, but you can do this, sport.   

Last, but certainly not least, Looper is responsible for arguably the most surprising, dark and hair raising scene I have ever seen in my life.  It’s a spoiler alert, but this movie’s been out for 12 years so you need to calm down.  A villain called the Rainmaker (I know that sounds like the name of a serial public pisser) is rumored to be solely responsible for wiping out the mob in the future.  When we finally meet him he’s merely an adorable child, but I’ll be damned if that rainmaking son of a bitch won’t haunt your dreams.

I included a link to the scene which you won’t understand unless you watch the movie, but I don’t want to hear it, ok?  Just enjoy the mayhem of this child actor (so weird he’s 10 years older now, fuck) and ignore the random dude that tasers Bruce Willis.  Also, be a mensch and watch the movie so, I don’t feel like I’m talking to myself here, ok?

Seriously though, if you enjoy a good sci-fi flick you won’t regret a movie night spent on Looper.  Enjoy.

Seth Borkowski is a New York-based writer who enjoys writing about dating, self-improvement, sports and the challenges of growing older as a millennial. You can read more of his work at sethborkowski.com.

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