Gordon Ramsey said,  

If you think you can escape 

you’re #$@% mistaken. 

a fire ball of  

nacho cheese and hot wings dipped  

in jam. Our hero 

sweats, licks his fingers – 

more grunting and lip-smacking  

than anyone – Wait! 

Bowling shirt in shreds  

What you’re seeing now is my  

normal state. His hair  

whitens, rises from  

a sunburnt scalp. So, you’ve changed  

your hair. Ramsey sneers –  

Wait – what’s he doing?  

This will drain what little time 

You have left on earth! 

Who will be mayor  

of Flavortown if you leave  

us so soon? But then –  

Trans fat titan bursts  

from the fryer. Fieri  

gone Super Saian. 

Renee Agatep is a poet and short story writer living in Florida. She is a 2020 Best of the Net nominee and knows nothing about Dragon Ball Z, Gordon Ramsey, or Guy Fieri. She can be found on Twitter @GoingbyRenee.