Life Proverbs by Spiritual Leader Donald Trump

1.      If at first you don’t succeed, lie, lie again

2.      The tweet is mightier than the sword

3.      A journey of a thousand miles ends with my border wall

4.      Good things come to those who take hydroxychloroquine

5.      A bird in the hand means I’ve grabbed her by the pussy

6.      Don’t get mad, get tweeting

7.      When the going gets tough, the tough find a bunker

8.      Genius is one percent inspiration and 100% Caucasian

9.      Hope for the best, prepare to re-tweet at 3 AM

10.     A friend in need is Putin, indeed

11.     The end justifies the meanness

12.     He who hesitates is a LOSER

Nancy Franklin has been published in The Daily Drunk, Points in Case and the Los Angeles Times. She enjoys cold beer and flaming shots of tequila, even when writing. Follow her on Twitter, @mirthquakes_.