10 Reasons to Vote for Donald Trump

1. You’re hopped up on Adderall and steroids and there’s something about Trump you can relate to.

2. You also think unprecedented is spelled “unpresidented.”

3. You’ve always wondered if you could survive in a lawless, authoritarian, plague-ridden dystopia.

4. You believe Covid-19 hasn’t adequately winnowed the population of senior citizens just yet.

5. Somewhere around 1993, a unique combination of club drugs robbed you of the ability to distinguish objective reality from psychotic ranting.

6. Science schmience

7. You’ve been told your MAGA hat makes your face look thinner. 

8. You don’t want to interrupt Tiffany’s career trajectory by voting her father out.

9. You have plans to open a chain of guns-for-kids stores that will offer special discounts to any parent who is a QAnon member. 

10. We’re one election away from having a president who didn’t say “fuck” or “pussy” on TV or radio.


Howie Good’s latest poetry collections are The Death Row Shuffle (Finishing Line Press, 2020) and The Trouble with Being Born (Ethel Micro-Press, 2020).

Dale Wisely runs Ambidextrous Bloodhound, which publishes Right Hand Pointing, One Sentence Poems, Unbroken Journal, and Unlost Journal. His chapbook Seven Stars is available in exchange for a donation to The Crisis Center/Rape Response organization. www.dalewisely.com/7starslive

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Daily Drunk

Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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