Low alcohol beverages? Not a chance!
Fall is finally here! And that means football, trick-or-treating and Thanksgiving family gatherings! Um, okay, no. After seven months of sourdough bread and ‘quarantinis,’ check out these new Fall food trends you’ll be adding to your gastronomical repertoire:
1. Biltong: A fancier name for beef jerky which means you’ll pay more for it than you do for the Jack Links brand at 7-Eleven.
2. Intermittent Fasting: What you’re doing while running between your couch and your refrigerator for more snacks.
3. Lasagna: This is a trend now? Ever heard of hangovers? Or really bad romantic break-ups?
4. Fast Food Breakfast: See above reference to hangovers.
5. Pea Milk: Spelling counts on this one! This super, protein-rich food should not be confused with ‘pee,’ which doesn’t taste nearly as good or have as much nutritional value.
6. Pinsa: Pizza, spelled fancier and harder to pronounce.
7. Flexitarianism: Eat whatever you want, whenever you want. No need to ignore the filet mignon because it’s ‘meatless Monday’ or pass on the pastry because you’re vegan. Flex your gastronomical muscles, guilt-free, while letting everyone know you can, too, commit to something!
8. Low Alcohol Beverages: Not a chance…..
9. Ghost Kitchen: A kitchen haunted by the ghosts of decent meals past before you started eating uncooked pasta from the box and telling your kids they were ‘chips’.
10. Unconventional Charcuterie Boards: Used to be cold, cooked meats. Now, anything from the pantry you can throw on a plate when unexpected guests arrive, including cereal, stale raisins, graham crackers and any condiment that’s been in your refrigerator for more than a year.
11. “Gut Feeling”: Probably salmonella
Nancy Franklin enjoys flaming shots of tequila, even when writing. She has been published in The Daily Drunk, Slackjaw, Points in Case and the Los Angeles Times. Follow her on Twitter, @mirthquakes_.