J— J—,

Let me start out by clearing the air. My feelings were not hurt when you pretended not to know me while on a date at the second best BBQ joint in Tulsa. In the future though, I would urge you to sit further from people that you know but are pretending not to know on dates. I understand that my students aren’t my friends, even though they’re the only people I interact with on any kind of regular basis since moving to Oklahoma. Like I said, no hurt feelings here.

I also want to let you know, that it’s okay to bring in outside sources, as long as you give them proper citation while on dates. For instance, you could say, “Professor Bradley, a teacher that changed my life for the better,” or “Professor Bradley, who has a 5 star rating AND a Chili Pepper on Rate-My-Professer,” or “Professor Bradley, the coolest adult I know,” to preface a joke of mine that you are retelling. The Hemingway one got particularly loud laughs with your class, and would likely impress your date as well. Don’t be afraid to incorporate the work of experts. You can still maintain your authority while telling my jokes on a date.

Don’t be afraid to brag about the “A” you are currently earning in my class, as I am a hard grader. I was going to tell your date on your way out when you dragged your finger across your throat and mouthed, “Don’t.” That was a good, very clear indicator. Remember the point of communication is to make your thoughts clear, and that hand signal did that perfectly.

Please let me know the time and location of your second date and I will happily provide more feedback.

All the Best,

Professor Bradley

Ryan C. Bradley is an award winning author who has published work in The Missouri Review, The Rumpus, Dark Moon Digest, The Literary Hatchet, and other venues. He edited the anthology When the Sirens Have Faded for A Murder of Storytellers. You can learn more about him at: ryancbradleyblog.wordpress.com.