As your self-anointed shot caller, the shot I’m calling is that you should call your own shots. I need a scapegoat when this all goes to hell in a handbasket, and by calling the shot that you should call the shot I’ve just given myself 50 of them!

If you call the right shot, I’ll say I authorized you to call the shot because I’m a genius with a super genius uncle and I knew you’d call the right shot. If you call the wrong shot… well… you called the shot, not me.

It’s kind of like that “yes means no and no means yes” game we used to play as kids where everything is opposite of what it really is, except in this game things might be the same as they are. But who’s to say how they are? Me, that’s who, except when it’s not me.

That’s because I call the shots, except when I don’t call the shots. Sometimes the shot I call is that I called the shot and sometimes the shot I call is that you called the shot, depending on the outcome of the shot that was called—not the first shot that I called… the second shot that you called, except when I called that shot, too.

Maybe I really am a genius because I just called a really smart shot. Let’s all drink a shot to that. You have to drink a shot, because I call the shots, and I said we should drink a shot, unless drinking a shot was a bad idea and you get sick, then it’s your own fault for drinking a shot. I certainly didn’t tell you to drink a shot. You called that shot.

Disclaimer: This message was not approved by anyone. Anyone is not even an entity (person, animal, or otherwise) capable of approving messages or anything else. It’s not even a message. No research went into its creation. No one fact checked it. No one is also not an entity (person, animal, or otherwise) capable of fact checking or anything else. This non-message is a joke. If you berate me with comments telling me I’m wrong, I’ll ignore you because you’re exhausting. Jokes can be unfunny but they can’t be right or wrong. If you laugh, you’ll be my best friend until you’re not, because I always call the shots.

Chuck Miller writes stuff on platforms for people with dubious credentials. Visit https://www.whatthechuuuck.com/ for more of his nonsense and one thing that makes a lot of sense: his children’s picture book about a little girl striving to overcome developmental delays, Will Little Roo Ever…?.