Questions for the MyPillow Guy

How should I lay my head on my pillow for a good night’s sleep?

When should I use two pillows instead of one? When should I turn

my pillow over to the cool side if I’m having trouble falling asleep?

Is there a thing such as too much pillow? When do you bring a pillow

to a knife fight? When is it appropriate to give someone a pillow as

a gift? Am I being unpardonably rude in punching down my pillow

before I go to bed? When my woman looks at me in bed does she

see me or the pillow? When applying for a post as a presidential

advisor, should I list my won-lost record in pillow fights? When I take

my pillow around the world to every exotic hotel room, how do I

explain it if my lover gets jealous?

My questions about martial law, fighting global pandemics, or

presidential impeachment I leave to my barber or the mailman. Any

other questions I have about my personal life go to my astrologer,

of course.

Gene Goldfarb grew up in the Bronx and now lives on Long Island. He doesn’t have a deep attachment to anything except himself, books, music, travel and cuisine, preferring humor to serious stuff. His work has appeared in Black Fox, Bull & Cross, Fallow Ground, Quiddity, Green Briar, The Daily Drunk and elsewhere.

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