Percy the Pessimistic Dinosaur

(Lights up.  PERCY, a Tyrannosaurus Rex, sits next to a tar pit.  FIONA, a Triceratops, and GWENDOLYN, an Iguanodon, approach.) 

FIONA: What’s the matter, Percy?  Why so glum? 

PERCY: You guys are my best friends, but you’re a triceratops and you’re an iguanodon. 

GWENDOLYN: What’s wrong with that? 

PERCY: I’m a Tyrannosaurus Rex.  Tyrannosaurus Rexes eat triceratopses and iguanodons.   

GWENDOLYN: They do? 

PERCY: Yeah. 

FIONA: You’re not thinking about eating us, are you? 

PERCY: No.  I’m not hungry. 


PERCY: But I might think about it, someday. 

FIONA: We can worry about that day when it gets here. 

PERCY: I suppose.                                          

FIONA: Want to come play volleyball with us?  Would that cheer you up? 

PERCY: My stupid arms are too short, I always feel like a fiasco. 

GWENDOLYN: Maybe we could go to a haberdashery and try on kooky hats. 

PERCY: My dumb head is too big, hats always look preposterous.   

FIONA: Ice skating! 

GWENDOLYN: Yeah!  Let’s go ice skating! 

PERCY: I weigh too much, I’ll crack the ice.  And they never have skates for my giant feet.  And I don’t like the cold.           

FIONA: Okay.  Well, we’ve got to get going.  See you later. 

GWENDOLYN: Best friends to the end! 

(FIONA and GWENDOLYN exit.) 

PERCY: All I have to look forward to is extinction. 

(Lights down.)  

Locus Magazine once called JOHN WEAGLY “a new writer worth reading and following” and compared his short fiction to the works of Ray Bradbury and Nina Kiriki Hoffman.  His stories have been nominated for and won various awards. As a playwright, over 100 of his scripts have received over 150 productions on four continents. 

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