10 Rejected Spotify Playlists

Bops 2 Scroll 2: Are you listening? You’re not even listening.

Workout Fakeout: You really almost worked out this time. You deserve a strudel.

Utterly Anodyne Beats: The only playlist you can all agree on at the office while you pretend to be chill but secretly seethe and judge each other’s tote bags.

Unplugged: Why isn’t the dang Sonos working? Is the Bluetooth connected, Carl? Try holding the power button for ten seconds while you butt dial your son.

allll lower case: this playlist is all lowercase, which is your whole personality.

ALL CAPS: YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO LIVE ON A CUL DE SAC WITH TWO ADORING PARENTS AND BE THIS MISUNDERSTOOD.

Stick These Songs Up Your Folking Butt: For when you manage The Busy Bean and if you hear that James Blunt song one more time you’re going to upper deck the crapper before you bounce on these dorks.

Under My A Capella (ella, ella, eh, eh, eh): The FBI is watching this playlist.

Heartache Shmeartache: She doesn’t know what she’s missing. That’s because she barely knows you exist. Put down the Nintendo Switch and just text her, you dump.

Natty (Existential) Dread: This playlist ended an hour ago, but you just got into the shower with your AirPods in because you can’t stop thinking about how a soulless algorithm knows your emotional landscape better than you do.



Brendan Gillen’s fiction has appeared in X-R-A-Y, South Carolina Review, Points in Case, Longleaf Review and elsewhere. Originally from Charlottesville, VA, Brendan lives in Brooklyn, NY and recently earned his MFA from the City College of New York.

Categories: List

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Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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