1.     Green lights. When checking my phone in my car at a stoplight, don’t expect me to drop everything and get moving just because of a control system run by the government.

2.     Turn signals. Going right or left is a personal decision. It’s no one else’s business.

3.     Parking spaces. At my destination, I am no longer one of those sheep aligning their cars submissively between the markings set up by some dictator.

4.     Picking up after my dog. For a long time I’ve been reluctant about this, and now even more so. How do we know what kind of chemicals might be on your lawn?

5.     Shoveling the sidewalk. Just tell me who funded the so-called studies claiming that snowy or icy pavement is less safe.

6.     Visiting my mother. Now that she’s been vaccinated, she’s become welcoming again. But I’m not going to rush, even though it is just one flight of stairs.

7.     Declaring my cash income to the IRS. That would amount to taxation, pure and simple. I would bring that upon myself why?

8.     Trash receptacles. No more drinking the Kool-Aid about putting my fresh snack wrappers, or empty Kool-Aid packets, in filthy out-of-the-way bins set up and controlled by, you guessed it, the government.

9.     Dental supposed hygiene. Who else is tired of constantly being nagged to brush, floss, and use mouthwash? It’s my breath, not yours.

10.  Protection. A hypothetical, but if I were ever to get funky with someone, she better not expect any virtue-signaling in the form of me putting on a surrender sheath.

I’m putting the dom back in freedom.

Tom Navratil hoards novel manuscripts while keeping one step ahead of a posse of literary agents. Meanwhile, his stories have appeared in Potomac Review, Splice Today, and Hot Hot Phone. Connect on Twitter @TomNavratilism.