Worst Places to Be When Big Bird is Next to You and Holding a Knife

  • in the dentist chair, mid teeth cleaning
  • in the shower
  • on a plane
  • at a Jamba Juice (when you order Big Bird’s favorite smoothie)
  • doing a trust fall when Big Bird is supposed to catch you
  • doing a trust fall when you’re supposed to catch Big Bird
  • at a square dancing event
  • in a mosh pit
  • on a hot air balloon
  • at the gym, when Big Bird is doing jumping jacks 
  • at the laundromat, when Big Bird is out of quarters 
  • on a trampoline, playing popcorn with Big Bird
  • on a water bed
  • on a space shuttle during zero gravity 
  • in a karate class
  • while parasailing 
  • while playing Mario Kart (when Big Bird is losing)
  • anywhere really


Catie Wiley is a lesbian writer from Maryland. She’s a contributing editor for Story Magazine and a poetry reader for the winnow magazine. Her work appears in Little Old Lady Comedy, Southchild Lit, and HAD among others. Find her on twitter @catiewiley or at catiewiley.wordpress.com

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Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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