Classic Movie Quotes Reimagined by my Disappointed Father

  1. “Jokes? Where we’re going we don’t need jokes.”
  1. “Frankly, my son, I don’t give a damn that your joke was published.”
  1. “No one’s looking at your tweets, kid.”
  1. “You’re gonna need a bigger twitter following.”
  1. “Son, I have a feeling you’re not getting paid for that joke you got published.”
  1. “Of all the careers in all the industries in all the world, you walk into comedy.”
  1. “Keep your friends close, but your resume closer.”
  1. “You talkin’ to a therapist?”
  1. “There’s no space at home.”
  1. “This is the beginning of an ugly dependency.”
  1. “Bonds. Invest in bonds.”
  1. “To affinity and those bonds!”
  1. “I see dead dreams.”
  1. “You’ll be back (for money).”
  1. “You lost me at ‘Hello, I need money’.”
  1. “I am serious, and don’t call me for money.”
  1. And then he came around: “Heeeeere’s money!”



Original Quotes:

  1. “Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.” – Back to the Future
  2. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” – Gone With The Wind
  3. “Here’s looking at you, kid.” – Casablanca
  4. “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” – Jaws
  5. “Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” – The Wizard of Oz
  6. “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” – Casablanca
  7. “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” – The Godfather: Part II
  8. “You talkin’ to me?” – Taxi Driver
  9. “There’s no place like home.” – The Wizard of Oz
  10. “This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” – Casablanca
  11. “Bond. James Bond.” – James Bond
  12. “To infinity and beyond.” – Toy Story
  13. “I see dead people.” – The Sixth Sense
  14. “I’ll be back.” – Terminator
  15. “You had me at ‘hello’” – Jerry Maguire
  16. “I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.” – Airplane

17. “Here’s Johnny!” – The Shining




Eli is a newbie writer with far-too-extensive knowledge of television, The Office in specific. Due to his lack of a real social life, Eli writes stuff that he hopes will make strangers on the internet laugh. He is single.

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Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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