Recipe for the Perfect Murder

1 sachet of solidified anger
1 sprinkle of disdain
2 large resentments, finely chopped
Well-fitting gloves
If you want to commit the perfect murder, make sure your victim is a random one, even if you have the perfect person right next to you, who makes you furious every single day of your life. You don’t want anything to link them back to you.
Take the train to a completely different destination than your usual commute.
Get off at a station whose name means nothing to you.
Walk down several tree-lined avenues until you find the quietest one, with no twitching curtains.
Choose your favourite odd house number… and then head instead to the even-numbered house opposite.
Don’t forget to put your gloves on before you enter the property. I can’t tell you how many have been caught out by thumbprints on door handles or windowsills.
Do not bother to carry an array of weapons with you. Every household is likely to have some serrated bread knives in the kitchen. Right next to the resentful unwashed pots.
Leave the knife next to the victim and arrange various assorted bloodstains artistically.
Final word of caution: if you take the wallet to make it look like a burglary gone wrong, do take a few other small items from the house as well to make it more plausible. For example, a piece of jewellery sent by a spineless married lover.
Do not be tempted to take any gadgets, as they can usually be traced. Just crush the mobile phone with the compromising texts under your heavy-duty shoes. You can treat yourself to some cash, but throw away any credit cards in the river, if you can be bothered.
Best served cold, with a garnish of revenge.
Now that you’ve committed your perfect murder, you might want to try and vary the recipe. Next time, pick a couple whose marriage is on its last legs, to make it look like a murder/suicide. Or leave some cryptic clues for the detectives to have a bit of fun. Whatever you do, DON’T leave this recipe lying around the house to inspire others.

Marina Sofia is a translator, reviewer, writer and blogger. She has published poetry and flash fiction in online and print journals, as well as a couple of anthologies, and thinks writing short pieces is the best way to procrastinate when she should be working on her novel. @MarinaSofia8

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