To the City Council of Salzmannville,
As I am certain that you are all aware, the city of Salzmanville has eternally been a mecca of fine exotic foods from all corners of the planet, however we are currently facing what I can only call a crisis.
My last trip to to our local SONIC®, a seller of excellent American cuisine, was absolutely unbearable. I waited for twenty six minutes to get my SuperSONIC® Bacon Double Cheeseburger with a large coke and chili cheese fries. It was supposed to be nothing more than an after work snack, but became dinner as I never eat after six, due to the acid reflux. Something needs to be done about this immediately. You can start by reimbursing me for the cost of the meal and my time.
My proposal, no, my demand, is that we open a second SONIC® Drive In restaurant. Hoffman square will be the best place for the new SONIC®, because it’s 2 blocks from my Condominium Complex.
Let’s talk about a few of the benefits. The economic stimulation that another SONIC® will have on our community will be immeasurable. At least forty jobs will be created, and each one of these employees will get a discount on SONIC® food items. Lower cost of living, higher quality of life thanks to SONIC®.
Generations of youth will be able to find steady employment at SONIC®. Many will be able to rise through the ranks and become some of the greatest and most devoted employees of SONIC® Drive In restaurant that have ever lived. Maybe some of our young people will win the roller skating competition for a $1,500 grand prize!
There are 3,503 SONIC® Drive in restaurants across the nation. Let’s have our community make it 3,504! Just make sure it’s two blocks from my condominium complex.
Eann Olsson is a writer/comedian and amateur European automobile mechanic. His writing has been featured in Points in Case and The Fusty Nut Review. Follow him on Twitter @EannOlsson.